Tho your story is all too familiar, the posts of your fresh anguish pull up -- for me and probably for each of us -- the horror we've each felt losing a loved one. The raw emotion that feels too much to bear, being unable to eat or sleep, crying until our cheeks feel raw and then crying more. The disbelief and desperation to roll back time and replay with very different events. Thank you for loving Quavers so deeply and for holding her as she died, David. The images may feel haunting now, but I hope you will come to take comfort from them in time, as your grieving rolls through the necessary stages. From your description, Quavers' last moments sound very much like my mother's, but she was alone in her bed. We know she was silent tho, despite the seeming violence of the splattered blood. No cry awakened the humans or the 4 dogs sleeping nearby. The bursting of those vessels surely happened after she was past any sensation of pain. I hope it was so, and with Quavers too. And Quavers wasn't alone. She was in your hands, looking into your eyes. That's exactly how I've always wanted each of my babies to die. Please think about this and work at getting your brain to reinterpret those images and memories that are causing you such pain.Quavers wrote: A few months ago my 2 year old cockatiel started to slow down and became unwell with a clicking noise as she breathed. In a blind panick I rushed her to the vets and she was given Doxycycline, which we had to put in her water. After a few Days she became well and back to herself and upto her old tricks, ruling the house etc. Although the clicking was still there the vet said she was fine and healthy, didn't really examine her, more asked us questions. He said she would be fine to go London to our Family for Christams, so we did and she seemed ok.
If it were my vet you had taken Quavers to initially, tests would have been done to attempt to learn what was making her sick. The respiratory symptoms you describe for us could be caused by many things, including psittacosis and aspergillosis. B/c your vet prescribed doxycycline, he might have suspected psittacosis or a number of other bacteria, such as the spiral bacteria described in this 2008 brief: http://pharmdjd.com/u/s_vet/vet_avian.htm Notice that the treatment period is 3 wks. As you might know now but perhaps did not know then, it is VERY important that the meds not be discontinued early simply b/c symptoms disappear. This can cause bacterial infections to grow undetected and be resistant to future treatment by the antibiotics. Testing at that initial visit might have identified the precise cause, but b/c Quavers' symptoms were gone so soon, your vet likely felt confident the doxy had cured her. The continued clicking, however, would have given my own vet -- and me -- cause for alarm.
While psittacosis and many other avian respiratory infections are easily identified by testing, aspergillosis often is not. Research progress is being made, but many vets will not suggest an asper test w/o first seeing if a course of antibiotic treatment relieves the bird of symptoms. Asper is a fungal infection, usually slow growing, so this conservative course usually does no harm and can save the client money since no avian test is inexpensive. Many people have an aversion to spending more on vet care than they did to purchase a bird, which means few owners even seek vet care for cheap birds such as 'tiels, budgies, canaries, and finches. Making it harder for the vet is our human tendency to want "everything done" to save our bird in a life-threatening situation, despite our ignorance at that emotional moment of what "everything" might cost. Here in the US, many vets will require the client to sign as estimate of what the cost might be before even examining a bird a new client says is acting very sick. This is done for the client's protection, to put the $$$ into print before commitment is made.
While I have no explanation for why your emergency vet took your Baytril or told her colleague the dosage was too strong, I don't find the fees out of line. When one of my birds was bitten and required emergency care on Boxing Day evening 3 yrs ago, I called to alert the clinic that I was rushing to them with a bleeding emergency. I was told the emergency fee would be $100 in addition to the normal vet exam cost of $75. This was almost exactly what you were charged per the conversion link Google gave me. Naturally my brain flashed the thought "Gosh, that's a lot of money!" But it didn't slow me down a second, and never once since have I considered the cost unreasonable. But that might be b/c my bird is eating breakfast in the next room. Watching your bird die surely could make the cost seem MUCH higher.
I wonder how much of that response comes from our human tendency to want to blame someone for our crises. The anger can be beneficial in the short term, distracting us from the pain that feels too much to bear, but in the longer term, it delays healing, David. You've blamed the vets, yourself, and god. Your grief is quite enough to endure. You won't benefit from heaping anger into the emotional mix. Many losses come about "naturally," w/o being caused by anyone. If there is human cause for Quavers' premature death, it might be a little shared by several, including the person in whose aviary Quavers hatched. The love you felt at first meeting makes me think Quavers was hand-fed. Your new bird's reactions sound more like those of a parent-fed chick. In some countries, it is illegal to hand feed chicks b/c it can be so dangerous. Each drop of formula the human puts into the chick's mouth must be swallowed just the right way or there is the danger some of it goes in a wrong direction, setting up the chick for aspergillosis as she grows. This may well be what happened to Quavers. There's no way to know now. Parent-fed chicks are usually healthier physically and emotionally. The little time and patience needed to tame a parent-fed chick is nothing compared to the long yrs of love you can enjoy together.
Quavers wrote: I asked for a post mortum, after her death but they said it wasn't needed and that she died naturally. I am not sure Heart attack at the age of 2 is natural.
I can't guess why the vet considered a necropsy ("post mortum") a bad idea in your case, unless you or Laura or her mom was heard commenting about the vet expense being a lot for your budget. A necropsy in my area (Washington DC) is about $100. Often the vet's examination of the body is unrevealing and tissues are sent for laboratory examination. I've had some run as high as ~$500, so it can be a LOT of money for a bird who has died. Likewise, the vet's comment that a necropsy was unnecessary b/c Quavers died "naturally" makes no sense to me. To die of "natural" causes simply means the death wasn't caused by an accident or deliberately. We are never too young to possibly die naturally. Many babies die for myriad reasons. The necropsy might have told you that reason. Some of these puzzling remarks might be miscommunications between you and the vet. You were in shock and probably not tracking as well as when you're calm. Here, cremation would not be done w/o having the client sign to give permission. If cremation is what you mean by "funeral," the £60 charge is very much in line with the expense I'm used to here. The ashes can very easily be mailed to you. There is NO reason to make the long trip to London again to collect them.
My advice is that you let go of your anger as soon as you can and let little Lola help you heal your broken heart. Taming her through consistent love and positive reinforcement will enable a bond between you that feels good to both of you. It will never be exactly what you and Quavers had. It will be different and can be very good. I hope you will continue your research and learning. Have you discovered Parrot Magazine yet? It's a UK publication I recommend: http://www.parrotmag.com/ Read the articles on behavior, nutrition, and hazards first. In your grief and shock, you have had a lapse in judgment IMO by bringing home another bird before taking time to clean. Now you have exposed Lola to Quavers' germs. Let's HOPE they are all non-contagious and will not cause Lola harm. Please be careful with all your decisions these next wks especially. While grieving deeply, we often don't think well. You need to protect your new bird. And on that subject, please read about cookware. Having your bird away from the kitchen is NOT adequate protection when non-stick cookware is in use. Please buy a set of stainless steel or other safe cookware and give your non-stick to someone who doesn't live with a bird.
My best to you three
Quavers will be proud of you.
).
